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==Heian Period==
==Heian Period==
In the [[Heian period]] in particular, "marriage" seems to have been a relatively fluid thing, at least among the [[kuge|court nobility]]. In analyses of the ''[[Tale of Genji]]'', [[Ivan Morris]] discusses how "courting" was to a certain extent undistinguished from marriage, and noblemen often lived apart from their paramours, who either maintained their own separate residences (being able to inherit, own, and pass down property at that time, a privilege less enjoyed by women in later eras) or were given residences by their nobleman suitor. As evidenced in the ''Genji'', it may have been typical for a nobleman to visit his paramours only at night, spending the night with them and departing before dawn; also as evidenced in the ''Genji'', it was not unusual for noblemen to maintain multiple consorts, though perhaps only one at a time could be the primary "wife." Divorces and remarriages were also relatively casual affairs - a man or a woman could simply cut things off with their lover, and terminate the relationship, and the remarriage of a widow or divorcee was no looked down upon. The ''[[Tales of Ise]]'' also show numerous examples of how men and women courted one another, and began and ended relationships. In one of the many vignettes in the ''Tales'', a man is appointed to an official position out in the countryside for three years, and upon his return, his (former) wife says she is now engaged to marry another man; he tells her to love her new husband as he has always loved her.<ref>[[Helen Craig McCullough]], ''Tales of Ise: Lyrical Episodes from Tenth-century Japan'', Stanford University Press (1968), 90.</ref>
In the [[Heian period]] in particular, "marriage" seems to have been a relatively fluid thing, at least among the [[kuge|court nobility]]. In analyses of the ''[[Tale of Genji]]'', [[Ivan Morris]] discusses how "courting" was to a certain extent undistinguished from marriage, and noblemen often lived apart from their paramours, who either maintained their own separate residences (being able to inherit, own, and pass down property at that time, a privilege less enjoyed by women in later eras) or were given residences by their nobleman suitor. As evidenced in the ''Genji'', it may have been typical for a nobleman to visit his paramours only at night, spending the night with them and departing before dawn; also as evidenced in the ''Genji'', it was not unusual for noblemen to maintain multiple consorts, though perhaps only one at a time could be the primary "wife." Divorces and remarriages were also relatively casual affairs - a man or a woman could simply cut things off with their lover, and terminate the relationship, and the remarriage of a widow or divorcee was no looked down upon.<ref>Ivan Morris, "Women of Ancient Japan: Heian Ladies," ''History Today'' 13:3 (Mar 1963), 160-168.</ref> The ''[[Tales of Ise]]'' also show numerous examples of how men and women courted one another, and began and ended relationships. In one of the many vignettes in the ''Tales'', a man is appointed to an official position out in the countryside for three years, and upon his return, his (former) wife says she is now engaged to marry another man; he tells her to love her new husband as he has always loved her.<ref>[[Helen Craig McCullough]], ''Tales of Ise: Lyrical Episodes from Tenth-century Japan'', Stanford University Press (1968), 90.</ref>
==Medieval Period==
==Medieval Period==
==Edo Period==
==Edo Period==
In the early Edo period, marriages were typically arranged by parents and go-betweens, based on social or business interests, among both commoners and elites. Love was "condemned ... as an irrelevant and possibly disruptive element."<ref>Gary Leupp, ''Interracial Intimacy in Japan: Western Men and Japanese Women, 1543-1900'', A&C Black (2003), 44.</ref> Couples often did not even meet one another until the wedding, and afterwards were obliged to simply negotiate between them a way to get along and forge a life together. "The relationship which developed between man and wife was usually one of loyalty rather than of romantic attachment."<ref>Donald Shively, ''The Love Suicide at Amijima'', Center for Japanese Studies, University of Michigan (1991), 23.</ref> Over the course of the period, however, marriage by mutual agreement of the couple themselves gradually became more widespread, even as they adopted some samurai practices, such as formal meetings with suitors (''omiai''), and the exchange of engagement gifts (''yuinô'').<ref>Leupp, 101.</ref> Among the peasantry, meanwhile, it seems that individuals had considerable agency in choosing their spouses, based on their own feelings.<ref>Leupp, 101, 241n2.</ref>
Wedding ceremonies were small, private, affairs, which involved some minimal ritual, such as the sharing of a wedding meal, and the exchanging of cups of [[sake|saké]]. The ceremony bore little or no deep religious meaning, in contrast to the Catholic Christian notion of marriage as a sacrament, and did not involve any extensive religious element to the ritual; the [[Shinto]] wedding ceremony is one of those many traditions which was invented in the Meiji period. The meal was typically attended by the couple, a few close relatives, and a formal go-between (''nakôdo''). Among the elites, wedding gifts (''yuinô'') were often exchanged.<ref name=leupp45>Leupp, 45.</ref>
Historian Gary Leupp compares marriage ceremonies to the forging of bonds between a lord and his retainer, or between a craftsman and his new apprentice; something that involves some small degree of ceremony, and seriousness of the bonds forged, but still not an extensive, public, or religious event as weddings very often are today. That said, Japanese were typically monogamous; a samurai lord or other elite might have one or more concubines (側室, ''sokushitsu''), but none counted as his "wife" (正室, ''seishitsu''), and a man would only ever have one wife at a time. A man could initiate a divorce on a whim, but that divorce, or the wife's death, was necessary before a man could take a new wife (much like today).<ref name=leupp45/>
==Meiji Period==
==Meiji Period==
